Raymond Unbound

Some background: I finally came up with a New Years Resolution a couple days ago. This year I will read 300 TV scripts. Because it's the right thing to do.

Yesterday I read an Everybody Loves Raymond called "The Neighbors". Usually when I read a script for a show I've watched a lot, like Seinfeld, I'm struck by how the show on the page feels a little flatter than it does on TV. The actors are so good they can take a simple line that isn't itself a joke and make it hilarious. But when I read "The Neighbors", I swear, it felt like the most depressing, Eugene O'Neill/Tennessee Williams tragedy you've ever read.

Here's what happens in the episode:

ACT I
Raymond's parents are being overbearing inconsiderate assholes, as usual. (This time, his Dad set up a floodlight that's shining through Raymond's bedroom window). Raymond refuses to do anything about this, no matter that his wife and neighbors demand he take action OR that he's clearly miserable himself. And when his parents discover Raymond, his wife, and the neighbors talking about them, they accuse Raymond of BETRAYING THE FAMILY and shun him.

ACT II
Raymond is a wreck. He goes to a priest to confess his "sin", and the priest, in disbelief, tells Raymond he's completely in the right and that his parents are nuts. Raymond decides to confront his parents once and for all, make them pay for the years of emotional abuse. And the moment he enters their house, he collapses in a heap of sad dependency, apologizing profusely. They accept. And that night, the floodlight still beaming through the window, Raymond is fast asleep. Debra is not.

I mean, I remember feeling Everybody Loves Raymond was fucked up when it was on, but come on, HOW DID MILLIONS OF PEOPLE LAUGH AT THIS?!

Now I want to stage "The Neighbors", completely dramatically. It would play just like Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf if you do it right. Its title will be Danger and Anger, which I have stolen from Don DeLillo.


Also, here's the episode's tag:

Brad Garrett visits the priest later and asks whether it's normal to have murder-fantasies about your parents, specifically ones involving cannibalism. Roll credits!